So, The Talk. You know the time is drawing near. It does for all parents and all kids. But you're not sure you are ready for it. You're nervous. You don't want to be nervous, but you are. And you don't want to do it the way your mom/dad did it with you. Here are 4 reasons to skip it altogether. And at the end I'll share a special tool, the best one around, just in case you change your mind.
Four Reasons Not to Have “The Talk” With Your Kids
1. You really don't care how they learn about sex or from whom.
Be assured that if you, the parent, don't teach your child about sex, they will learn from someone else. A friend, a teacher, television. And the learning environment may be less than desirable. Sex is one of the most intimate expressions of sacrificial love. You should want to be your child's first and main source of information about sex. Why would you give away the chance to introduce your child to one of the greatest blessings God gave to human beings?
2. You think sex is gross and the less they know the better.
Sex, as God created it, is not gross, but good. And our children deserve to know God's plan for this goodness in their lives. Luke Gilkerson, author of “The Talk” says
As parents, it is not only our job to communicate to our children what sex is, but a godly attitude about it. Our words and tone of voice should communicate to our children that sex is good, something created by God as a blessing.
3. You think they are too young to have this kind of conversation.
Sadly, but truly, “too young” these days is almost not even a viable argument. From the moment our children can speak isolated words, they are bombarded with worldly ideals and sexual innuendoes. They NEED to know our sexual values, and more importantly God's sexual values if they are to remain pure through adolescence.
4. You're not ready to have “The Talk” with them.
Unfortunately for many parents, their own inhibitions hold them back from talking with their kids about sex until it's too late, or at least too late to be the first one. Children have a natural curiosity, it's true, but they do not yet have a tainted opinion of sex. That is why it is so important for us as parents to be pro-active when it comes to educating our children about Biblical sexuality.
So, how do we get over our inhibitions and “get prepared” to talk to our kids about this?
Our friend, Luke Gilkerson, has written a study called The Talk: 7 lessons to introduce your child to Biblical sexuality. Luke graciously gave us a copy to use with our own children and has set up a special coupon for my readers, which I'll get to in a minute.
The Talk is designed for parents to use to teach their 6-10 year old children about Biblical sexuality. Luke gives several pages of insights, tips and encouragements to parents prior to the first lesson, and even explains why ages 6-10 is the optimal time to begin these discussions with your children, and how to know if your child is ready. Here is Luke's summary of the lessons and what they cover:
This series of studies covers basic theological and biological concepts that children in the elementary years can understand. Each study is anchored in a specific text of Scripture.
• Lesson 1 deals with the differences between men and women, giving children a simple understanding of their own bodies and the differences between male and female sexual organs.
•Lesson 2 discusses God’s command for the human race to multiply, giving children a basic understanding of sexual intercourse and how babies are conceived.
• Lesson 3 addresses the development of human life in the womb, giving children a picture of the wonder of how babies grow and are born.
•Lesson 4 deals with the intimacy that is created through sex, giving children an understanding of the goodness of sex in marriage and how it creates a strong bond between a man and a woman.
• Lesson 5 discusses the sin of adultery, giving children a biblical understanding of why it is wrong.
• Lesson 6 addresses the difficult subject of rape and sexual abuse, reminding children of the importance of talking to their parents about anyone who touches them in an inappropriate manner. (The average age for first instances of child abuse is just over 9 years old—for both boys and girls; 20% of kids are abused before the age of 8. Most who are abused are hurt by a trusted family member or someone someone close to the family. For all of these reasons, this is something parents should be sure to discuss with their children.)
• Lesson 7 deals with the importance of honoring God with one’s body because God has bought us with a price.
Our Experience with The Talk
I found that having The Talk as a tool was very helpful to me in talking with our daughters about sex and God's plan for it. The lessons took only about 20 minutes each, depending on the discussion time and I love how Luke uses so much Scripture to back up the points of each lesson. It was comforting to my awkwardness to have a script to guide us through the main points, and I also appreciated that the illustrations and explanations were as discreet as possible while staying true to the clinical definitions.
When I went through the study with our girls (at ages 6 and 8), we called it our “girls only science class” and enjoyed the mother/daughter time while Dad occupied the boys elsewhere during our lessons. The girls showed interest in what they were learning just as much as they do in any of our other science studies, but I did not noticed a heightened interest in sexual things afterwards (as some parents fear will happen). I felt that using The Talk laid a good foundation and also gave us the vocabulary and the open door for further discussion as they grow and mature further. I highly recommend this resource for every Christian parent.
If you have had “The Talk” with your children, would you please leave a comment and share your insights or tips for other parents who still have this special privilege ahead of them? We would love to learn and be encouraged by your experience.