Trust is foundational to any relationship, but if the marriage relationship is to be healthy, trust is marriage must be top priority. If you missed last week's post “13 Things Your Spouse Won't Tell You” you can read it here.
Today though, we're going to talk about ways you can begin to restore trust in your marriage once you realize that it has been broken. And even if you have a great marriage, there is always room for improvement.
Here are 13 ways to build more trust in your marriage:
- Speak the words, “Spouse’s Name. I love you,” as often as you can. (Proverbs 16:23-24)
- Plan your schedules together, making dates and/or “alone time” a priority. (1 Corinthians 13:5)
- Share details from your day, and be willing to listen to details of your spouse’s day. Ask his/her opinion on projects, problems, scheduling, etc.
- Leave your work at work. Do your best to be present mentally wherever you are present in body. If at home, be all there. If at work, be all there. Your spouse will appreciate it and feel like home/family life is a priority.
- Make it a point to compliment your spouse on the things they do well. If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing to compliment in anyone. Use the 20 to 1 rule: 20 positive comments for every negative one. Knowing/feeling that you value them now will help your spouse to trust you more later when you have reason to point out a weaknesses. (Ecclesiastes 10:12)
- Listen. Listen. Listen. Do it with your eyes and your heart as well as your ears. Be responsive, but don’t try to control the conversation or dismiss it as nothing. Perhaps it would help to find out early on, “Is this something you want me to fix?” or “Do you want my help or opinion on this?” Listen to their answer and act accordingly. Your spouse needs to know you can be trusted to take seriously his/her concerns, fears, and frustrations without judgement. (Proverbs 29:11)
- Look for ways to enjoy time together. To laugh together. To make the other smile. (Proverbs 5:18)
- Keep your word. One who is trusted in big things must first be trusted in small things. If something comes up and you can’t do or be what you said you would when you said you would, then phone or text to explain. A great rule of thumb is to offer your spouse more courtesy than you would a business associate. (Proverbs 25:19)
- More than anyone else, your spouse can see through a lame excuse. If you fail, make a mistake, forget something, just admit it humbly and apologize. Excuses and blaming do not make you a better or more trusted person. (Proverbs 14:16, Ephesians 4:31-32)
- Share your hopes and dreams openly with your spouse and ask about theirs. Get excited about each others goals and helping each other achieve them.
- Be honest about your activities. More information about where you are and who you are with is better than less where trust is concerned. Your spouse wants to trust you; make it easy by being transparent about your activities. (2 Corinthians 8:21)
- Verbal AND physical expression of love is a must in maintaining trust. When one begins to doubt his/her spouse’s love, a host of other unfriendly feelings move in as well, creating distance between you. Break down the walls of doubt. Act in love. Serve your spouse. Speak their love language. Strive to live in such a way that there is no doubt in your spouse’s mind (or anyone else’s) of your love. (Romans 12:10, Ephesians 4:25, Ephesians 5:33)
- Make intimacy a priority. Determine to be all present mentally when you present yourself physically to your spouse. Concentrate more on pleasing him/her than on being pleased. Leave other topics for other times, and fully enjoy the gift of belonging to one another. (Genesis 2:24, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
And lastly, trust God with your marriage. God loves you more than anyone else on earth ever possibly could! He knows all the details and all the hidden secrets of your marriage relationship. He, more than anyone else, has the power to create something beautiful out of your marriage. God is the great healer of hearts and He is trustworthy. Trust Him!
*Books dealing with Trust in Marriage
(These are affiliate links meaning that if you purchase through these links our family gets a small commission. Read my full disclosure policy here):
- Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
by Emerson Eggerichs
- What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
by Paul David Tripp
- Ribbing Him Rightly
by Benneth Peters Jones
- The Love Dare
by Alex and Stephen Kendrick
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
by Gary Chapman
- The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships
by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas