Trust in Marriage
Trust is the basis of any relationship, but trust in marriage is especially important. When you trust someone, you are being vulnerable with that person. You are trusting that they will do whatever it takes to be there for you, to protect you, to provide for you, and to love you unconditionally. When marriages begin to erode, it is often because little by little one spouse loses their trust in the other.
The Trust Test
Here are 13 things that your spouse probably won’t tell you. 13 things that reveal that trust is on the decline in your marriage.
- He/she wishes they could hear you say, “Spouse’s Name. I love you,” more often.
- He/she wishes you could sit down and plan your schedules together, instead of fitting them into whatever is left of your schedule.
- He/she wants to be involved in your life, but feels shut out (on purpose) or left out (by default).
- He/she is jealous of the time your job takes or may be thankful for your job, but wishes there was more time to be “us.”
- He/she longs to hear what they’re doing well. It seems you usually only comment on the negative.
- He/she wishes you would just listen. Don’t try to fix the situation. Don’t interrupt with your own ideas or suggestions. Just listen.
- He/she loves your laugh and smile. Why don’t we laugh together any more? What’s happening to us?
- He/she wishes you would just be a man/woman of your word. Even in the “little” things like, “I’ll take out the trash before work on Tuesdays.” Or, “I’ll pick up the dry-cleaning on the way home from work today.” Or, “I’ll be home by seven.”
- He/she is tired of excuses. Couldn’t we both just admit and take responsibility when we make mistakes or forget something?
- He/she would love to hear about your hopes, dreams, and desires. When did we stop confiding in one another?
- He/she wonders what you’re doing when you’re not together, and why you are not as open to share your plans as you once were.
- He/she wonders if you care about yourself more than about them.
- He/she wishes you could enjoy sexual intimacy without talking about the kids or work in the middle of it. Or just have sex, period!
Sound familiar? If you can identify with any of the above statements, there is a lack of trust in your marriage.
Lack of trust leads to lack of openness. No one is willing to be vulnerable with someone they do not trust. Lack of openness leads to lack of intimacy. Lack of intimacy leads to jealousy and/or fear. It is a downward spiral….
However, with prayer, Holy Spirit intervention, repentance, forgiveness, healing, and unconditional love, there is always hope that the marriage and the trust can be restored and renewed.
I hope you'll join us again on Monday as we share 13 ways to begin restoring trust in your marriage (and a great book list). Our God is a God of Hope and forgiveness, as long as he is God, there is hope for your marriage!